why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
