You smell like stripper and shame
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
