Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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