this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
