Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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