Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
