I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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