Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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