i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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