Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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