is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
