God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
did you just send me my own nude
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
