Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
