The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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