he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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