I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
