just tell him i said nine months
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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