This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
