I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
