Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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