the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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