I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
