Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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