Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize