Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
