She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
