So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
