What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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