Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
