i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have surprise drugs for everyone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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