It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
