Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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