Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
