After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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