you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
