Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She needs sedatives and a leash
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
