ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
