the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
