i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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