Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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