I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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