I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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