I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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