I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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