if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Two words: nipple clamps
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