So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
