A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
