I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
