My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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