A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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