Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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