i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
