And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you will always have a special place in my vag
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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