i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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