and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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