I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
