if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
