I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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