Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
A bitchslap is in order.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
