separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
