I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
