Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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