That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
