She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
