you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
