you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
