the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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