I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Houston, we have a blender
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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