i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize