Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
