I CAN MOONWALK!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
