So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
