What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
