I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
