i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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