for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
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The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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