That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
